Dear Dorothy, I spend my days and nights dreaming about this one girl I met at the Fair. We walked together in the parade, and met back at Lou’s afterwards, but I don’t have the courage to talk to her outside the Fair. She works at Ruth’s and passes my workplace every single day on her way to work, and my torture is exquisite, seeing her wander along Main Street, her hair wipping and her petticoat flipping to the beat of my aching heart. She is a dream in pastel colors, painted by an old master with a young heart–so innocent, so….dream-like. Like the sunset on a mild October night.

Dorothy, I am in love! But how do I let her know?

M., Hill Valley

Dear Dorothy

I have been happily married for many years now and my husband has always been a very earthbound and reasonable man. But lately he has gone mad with the idea of flying saucers. I know it sounds silly but it is all he talks about and things are getting out of hand. I understand it is only right and proper to show a keen interest in your husband’s hobbies, but frankly his behavior at social gatherings has become unbearable, as all he does is rant and rave about “humanoids”. I overheard Mary Robbins call him a closet case the other day and I just know the neighbors are peeking through their curtains every time he takes his bed things to the garden to “watch for the lights”. I had the bad sense to question him the other evening over dinner. He said that these objects look like big silver horizontal spindles so I asked if he might be getting confused with our new boiler and he just stormed upstairs. I don’t want to be rash or upset him as I know he works very hard and is probably very stressed at work but I could really do with some advice. Housekeeping Weekly has been absolutely useless in regards to dealing with such matters.

A concerned wife,
Mrs. “P Boddy”

Dear Mrs. “Boddy”,
Before you call the men in white coats to come and take your husband away, it is important you realize that a significant number of thoughtful, intelligent, educated people in full possession of their faculties claim to see similar things almost every day. In August of this year, the Sutton family farmhouse “UFO” sighting in Hopkinsville, Kentucky stirred the wildest imaginations of minds across the country. America has become most excited about these sightings and it can be difficult not to find yourself caught up in the buzz. However, these extraordinary sightings do seem out of character for your seemingly grounded husband. Has he been reading any popular science fiction magazines recently? Exposure to fantastical stories of “robots” and “time travel” could be sending his perceptions of reality askew – particularly if he is very stressed at work or not sleeping well. Are you sure to arrange his pillows properly at night? It is important to look at what you may be doing wrong at home before assuming it is your husband who is to blame. Being supportive and not complaining or nagging over his decision to sleep in the garden will help. Be aware you’re not making him feel embarrassed about his interests. These are all important components to being a good, caring wife and if you keep them up, I feel confident you will see a change in him soon.

Best of luck,

Dorothy

Hello readers, Dorothy here, and this week I have a problem of my own. I can’t be the only woman in Hill Valley kept awake by my husband’s deafening snore. Well I know I’m not – I’ve had complaints from next door.

There is nothing that makes one as irritable as lack of sleep and when I’m exhausted and the nasal foghorn starts sounding I have half a mind to strangle the poor man in his sleep. Luckily help is at hand, after a bit of digging around at the town centre I’ve discovered that local inventor Dr. E Brown claims to have alighted on a solution.

“The product is created by mixing sea salt water, cement, paper and a secret ingredient,” Dr. Brown told The Hill Valley Telegraph. “The device can be attached to the nose and will totally alleviate the sound associated with snoring. Unfortunately the product is still in the prototype stage but is progressing with impressive speed.”

You better hurry up Doc because if you don’t provide me with an  antidote sooner rather than later I might have to whip up my own batch. Either that or move house.

Do you know somebody who might benefit from Dr. Brown’s snoring cure?

Until next time,

Dorothy